Quotes from A. W. Merrick

Merrick's chief humor occurs when his somewhat pompous polysyllabic vocabulary meets the ears of the less-than-educated Deadwood citizens.

Season 1 episode 5

Anyone may join the juror’s line. Only those admitted to the bar may join the line of candidates for officers of the court. Jurors will be drawn from the hat on my right. Officers of the court in the box on my left. I have no say in either outcome. So please don’t try to bribe me.

(after the acquittal of Jack McCall)
Should it ever be your misfortune, gentlemen, or mine, to need to kill a man, then let us toast together the possibility that our trials be held in this camp.

Season 1 episode 6

May I say, Dan, ever since I resumed drinking alcohol, I cannot for the life of me figure out why I ever gave it up.

(preparing the article about the smallpox)
Merrick: Thanks also to the aforementioned merchants, the vaccine will be distributed gratis.
Al: Free gratis.
Merrick: Free gratis is a redundancy. (Al looks at him blankly)
EB: Does that mean, repeats itself? (Merrick. nods)
Al: Then leave gratis out.
Merrick: What luck for me, Al that you have such a keen editorial sense. Free, distributed free.

Merrick: Gentlemen...
Al: Well, let’s see it. (Grabs the paper)
Merrick: Or should I say my fellow authors.

Season 1 episode 10

(rhapsodizing on Farnam's restaurant) The bitter coffee, the rancid bacon, those stale biscuits that were tomb and grave to so many insects.

Season 1 episode 12

(just after interviewing the morally upright General Crook, who is looking for a hotel)
Cy: General, Cyrus Tolliver. Small gesture of gratitude. I’d like you to quarter at my place.
Merrick:(cough) Brothel!