Quotes from EB Farnum

Incurably corrupt, whiny, and cowardly, EB is a guilty pleasure, a creepy sort of treat to watch. And as a counterpoint to the equally wily Al, he's priceless.

Season 1 episode 1

(to Wild Bill and Charlie) Separate rooms. I'll arrange that by tomorrow, but today I can't fix it. (To Bill) Unless you kill a guest.

Season 1 episode 5

(scrubbing up a bloodstain on the floor of one of his hotel rooms, talking to himself as if he is Al describing him, EB) What’s he ever done for me? Except let me terrify him every goddamned day of his life ‘til the idea of bowel regularity is a full-on fuckin’ hope. Not to mention orderin’ a man killed in one of EB’s rooms. So every fuckin’ free moment of his life EB has to spend scrubbin’ the bloodstains off the goddamned floor, to keep from havin’ to lower his rates!

Season 1 episode 6

(about Jane going to talk to Alma) Her gutter mouth, and the widow in an opium stupor. A conversation for the ages.

Season 1 episode 7

EB: You know who that is?
Sol: I know she works at the Gem.
EB: And even so, admit her to your trade at public hours. Congratulations, sir, on your advanced thinking. (shouting, to Trixie) Al wants you, Trixie! (to Sol) I’m a stickler for self-delivered messages.

Season 1 episode 9

(about a letter from Hickock to his wife, which EB's employee just found and EB thinks might be valuable)
EB: Well I only hope you haven’t opened it.
Man: No, sir.
EB: Well at least that eliminates tampering from the list.
Man: Of what, sir?
EB: Crimes, in which your inebriation and sloth as my employee has implicated my hotel, which I will attempt to shield you from in the course of trying to extricate myself.

More than providing services to ‘em, taking people's money is what makes organizations real, be they formal, informal or temporary.

Season 1 episode 10

I begrudge that pervert his capacity for happiness.

Al: EB, steal none of this money.
EB: Gratuitous, hurtful and unnecessary.
Al: When I deal with these cocksuckers down the road. I need to be able to look any one of ‘em in the eye, name what they were paid and know I’m right.
EB: Understood. Intact and undiminished.